Some times one must snap out from the dream and look around at the reality. No matter how many meaningful sacrifices, compremising one does, it simply doesn't matter...because...as one made those compromises along the way...the little respect that others have on you dissipate. With that you're just an another begger. 

How it must be...how it must be tedious...for you. 

I am sorry. I am soo sorry. I am very very sorry. 

It is just hard to be thankful for all that you've done for me when the pain of seeing you drifting apart as friends day after day.

:

:

I am lost. 

I prostitude my life for my freedom

Sacrifice, I dare not say

When all in life have abondon

for themselves, and their selfish ways.

How ironic I wonder

when I woice out they dispare.

How can one be themselves

When they all squirm and stare.

Flase pretenses, under angelic smiles

Once point out they all cried, "Not I!"

I no longer want nor wonder,

if there is ever such man exists.

The one that's true and without a shadow of doubt,

Sadly...there can never be one like this.

Homeless ~10:27am 9th September 2009

Homeless is what they call me

No roots for me to hold

I roam from city to city

Drifting and weary, to find me a home

They say homeless is what I truly am

Who knows may be it is

I sway through arms of men and women

Just to know I still exists

They say home is where your heart is

Home is where one belongs

If that is all there really is

I think I saw a glimpse of it before

They say I’m crazy

To live a life in prostitution

An addict and a drunk

I say there’s no turning back for restitution

I’ve watched people laughed at me

They looked right through my face

They will never understand

Unless they’re in my place

I’ve bagged for mercy

I’ve bagged for love

I’ve bagged all day

Just to quench my thirst

Well now that you see me

Feeble, tired and cold

Are you one of them or apart of me

Or (may be) you will use me until your heart turns cold

So lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost so lost

Today I lost my best friend

I'm a monster under my own skin

I'm a incompetent fool, believing in all that I've seen.

I'm a whore, believing in love that never exist.

I believe in truth. I believe in destiny. I believe in equality. I believe in all.

I turn another cheek when a fist gives me a blow.

I weep with joy when sadist triumpt in war.

I play mind games to relieve my saddness.

I'm senseless, I'm crazed, I'm a tramp.

I believe in forgiveness when one destroy all that I value.

I smile when pain is intorable

I laugh when my aching heart wants to die.

I am a monster. I am evil. I am nothing.

This is exactly how i feell...

Billy Joel Code Of Silence

Everybody's got a million questions
Everybody wants to know the score
What you went through
It's something you
Should be over now

Everybody wants to hear the secrets
That you never told a soul before
And it's not that strange
Because it wouldn't change
what happened anyhow

But you swore to yourself a long time ago
There were some things that people never needed to know
Guess there's one that you keep
That you bury so deep
No one can tear it out

And you can't talk about it
Because you're following a code of silence
You're never gonna to lose the anger
You just deal with it a different way

And you can't talk about it
And isn't that a kind of madness
To be living by a code of silence
When you've really got a lot to say

You don't want to lose a friendship
There's nothing that you have to hide
And a little dirt
Couldn't hurt no one anyway

And you still have a rage inside you
That you carry with a certain pride
In the only part of the broken heart
That you could ever save

But you've been through it once
You know how it ends
You don't see the point
Of going through it again
And this ain't the place
And this ain't the time
And neither's any other day

So you can't talk about it
Because you're following a code of silence
You're never gonna to lose the anger
You just deal with it a different way

So you can't talk about it
And isn't that a kind of madness
To be living by a code of silence
When you've really got a lot to say

I know you well enough to tell you've got your reasons
That's not the kind of code you're inclined to break
Some things unknown are best left alone forever
And if a vow is what it takes
Haven't you paid for your mistakes

After the moment passes
And the impulse disappears
You can still hold back
Because you don't crack very easily

It's a time honored resolution
Because the danger is always near
It's with you now
But that ain't how it was supposed to be

And it's hard to believe after all these years
That it still gives you pain and it still brings tears
And you feel like a fool
Because it's part of your rules
You've got a memory

But you can't talk about it
Because you're following a code of silence
You're never gonna to lose the anger
You just deal with it a different way

But you can't talk about it
And isn't that a kind of madness
To be living by a code of silence
When you've really got a lot to say